I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
