i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I currently don't understand fingers.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
