Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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