trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
