just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
