I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
