My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
