My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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