God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
