So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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