The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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