I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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