sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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