What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
