Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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