I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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