I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
