do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
