Whod you bang
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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