Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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