you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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