If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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