My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
