I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
