how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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