You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
