so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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