It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
