There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
