Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
