The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
