Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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