my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this hospital has no fireball
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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