bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
