If i come over, it means nothing
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
