You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
