I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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