She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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