you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
