New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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