Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
