I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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