It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
