Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
