ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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