so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
