idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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