I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
