And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
