i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
