Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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