The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
