I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
