people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
