in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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