Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
