i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
