Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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