Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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