with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
