I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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