they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
