just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
