So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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