Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
