She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
