It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
