If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
