he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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