so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
