When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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