I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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