I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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