An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
