i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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