You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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