I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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