bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
